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The Tesla Purple Energy Shield - Howard Tayler
Ramblings of a Happy Cartoonist
howardtayler
howardtayler
The Tesla Purple Energy Shield
The Tesla Purple Energy Shield does amazing things, according to this web page. It will amplify your aura, repair your DNA, and stimulate tachyon energy. No, really. It says so, right on their web page.

They have kirlian photos to prove these claims. And at only $90 I don't know that I can afford to NOT have one. It's half off!

(I'm waaay too tired to do a full comedic deconstruction. I'll let you folks hack away, though.)

I feel: incredulous

27 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
mrmeval From: mrmeval Date: March 10th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
You'd be better off with vitamin R
http://www.jamesphogan.com/bb/content/112297.shtml


In 1980, Professor T.D. Luckey, a biochemist at the University of Missouri, published a study, entitled Hormesis With Ionizing Radiation (CRC Press, Boca Raton, FL; also in Japanese, Soft Science Inc., Tokyo), of over 1200 experiments dating back to the turn of the century reporting the effects of low-level radiation on biota ranging from viruses and bacteria through various plants and animals up to vertebrates. He found that, by all the criteria normally used to judge the well-being of living things, modest increases of radiation above the natural background make life better: they grow bigger and faster; they live longer; they get sick less often and recover sooner; they produce more offspring, more of which survive. The phenomenon of "hormesis"--whereby things that become harmful at high concentration are actually beneficial in small doses--is established in chemical toxicology. The effect is believed to result from stimulation and exercising of the natural immune system. What Luckey showed was that it applies also to radiation.
demonicgerbil From: demonicgerbil Date: March 10th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
ZAP
allandaros From: allandaros Date: March 10th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
"The Tesla Purple Energy Shield™ connects to the healing flame of The Ascended Master Saint Germain."

Oy. When I read this, my sleep-logged brain conjured up an image of Master Chief from Halo, an aura of pure goodness flickering around him, burning people down with the healing flames of a flamethrower.

Y'know, I just considered something. If we can harness the energy given off by all the barrel-rolls Tesla's doing in his grave whenever someone reads this - perpetual energy! The future will be OURS!
jecook From: jecook Date: March 11th, 2006 06:52 am (UTC) (Link)
*Dies laughing*
harper_knight From: harper_knight Date: March 11th, 2006 11:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Saint-Germain. as in, the Comte de Saint-Germain. The Immortal Comte de Saint-Germain? The Alchemist, sorcere, demonologist and what-have-you?

Awesome.
goodluckfox From: goodluckfox Date: March 10th, 2006 09:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Where is the snake oil in the Schlockiverse?
demonicgerbil From: demonicgerbil Date: March 10th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's what Petey sells to various nations at gunpoint.
mrmeval From: mrmeval Date: March 11th, 2006 10:05 am (UTC) (Link)
In the attorney drones.

Let it out!
twelvefootnine From: twelvefootnine Date: March 10th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Actually, sites like these make great source material for the pseudo-science diatribes I have to muster while playing a Son of Ether in the old-school Mage game I'm in right now. Thanks Howard!
arkadiatri From: arkadiatri Date: March 10th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
My cell phone is helping me me resonate at 830,000,000 cycles a second - I must have so much life force! It's true - you just can't live without those things nowadays.
From: zandperl Date: March 11th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Ninety bucks for a USB thumb drive? It must have a multi-terabyte capacity to cost that much. I like the "Planetary Harmonic Spectrum" chart. It looks like they took the periods of lots of random things, turned them into frequencies, and then actually found the wavelengths of light at that frequency. Bizarre, up to and including the Angstroms and "E" (power of ten) notation.

The Tesla Purple Energy Shield™ is said not only to work as an antenna but also as a transmitter.

A shield that also is a passive antenna, and an active transmitter? Priceless!

Hm, and I wonder what Bougal.com will say when someone points out that they stole an image of a galaxy (halfway down the page).
siliconshaman From: siliconshaman Date: March 11th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC) (Link)
The Tesla Purple Energy Shield™ is available at the special introductory price of $89.95 which represents a 50% discount from the regular price of $179.95.

Oy.. am I ever in the wrong racket! Because you know there are enough idiots out there, that will buy these things even at those prices!

You know, I may just consider doing something like this... sure I know enough pseudoscience to write a bit of flim-flam gobbledygook like that, and could come up with a bit of no-function widgetery... and goddess knows, I need the money. Only question being is, could I stomach fleecing morons?

Hmm... maybe there should be something in the EULA about if the user is gullible enough to purchise the product then the company makes no warrentees about it actually doing anything. Nobody ever reads those things anyway.
uplinktruck From: uplinktruck Date: March 12th, 2006 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Hire a lawyer first. A really good lawyer with lots of consumer fraud experience. Preferably someone that used to be an attorney general.
From: rose_storylady Date: March 11th, 2006 03:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Tesla Purple Energy Shield

Go read the testimonials. They evidentally sell a lot of other products that do fantastic things also. The names may evoke science fiction images in your mind. I'm not sure what else these products do since I didn't take the time to investigate further.
They promise not to sell your name. They don't need to. They have you on their own personal "client" list.
You might like to read their disclaimer. It seems to indicate that they can't guarantee the things the ad promises.
jecook From: jecook Date: March 11th, 2006 07:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Even turned down to it's lowest setting (100 meg-bogons), my BS detecter almost clocked itself.

The kirlian photos looks to be adjusted to produce the desired result, contrast wise.

The photos are pretty, but the "science" surrounding it is shaky at best: http://skepdic.com/kirlian.html

I'd like to See mythbusters try this one out, except that it would probably be too boring for their style of show...

wren08 From: wren08 Date: March 11th, 2006 09:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh yes, I must have one. Let me go break the piggy bank and go without foor for awhile.
mrwhipple1 From: mrwhipple1 Date: March 11th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

The Tesla Purple Energy Shield

Poor Niclola Tesla, not only did he get the feces coated and of the stick throughout his life, it continues now that he is no longer with us.

Without Tesla, we would have small DC powerplants on every city block, or the wires carrying power would be 20' in diameter........ Tesla once employed by that most famous of all patent thieves, Tom Edison (the man with no original thoughts except for inventing the electric chair) fired him because he wouldn't accept that AC power was the way to go.

Who invented the radio?? No not that Italian, Marconi, he stole the concept from Tesla, who he worked under for several years. The Supreme Court returned the patent to Tesla posthumously in the mid 1970's.

Why wasn't Tesla, the man who almost singlehandedly invented the modern electrified world, given any respect? He thought he was hearing radio transmissions from Mars. Strange, an engineer who thinks that there may be life on Mars is a wacko, but his contemporary, Percival Lowell, who said he saw canals on Mars - directly implying civilization, is still considered a respected astronomer...........

Sorry for the rant but I wonder where the world would be today if Tesla had been given the support he deserved. Much like I wonder where the world would be is Heron of Greece has used his steam turbine for something more useful than opening doors at a temple..........

seawasp From: seawasp Date: March 11th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

What I want to know, Howard...

... is exactly HOW you happened to come across this... thing.
howardtayler From: howardtayler Date: March 12th, 2006 07:26 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: What I want to know, Howard...

I saw a google ad at PvP and clicked on it. It said "Tesla" in it. How could I NOT click?
seawasp From: seawasp Date: March 12th, 2006 10:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: What I want to know, Howard...

I hope you've learned your lesson. "Tesla" is one of the "Nutcase Science" buzzwords; the man was brilliant but also very odd, and the nutcases tend to conflate the one with the other.
lodo_bear From: lodo_bear Date: March 12th, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: What I want to know, Howard...

Poor Tesla. He earned his crank status, though. He came up with all kinds of useful stuff, even more than Edison, and didn't get his due, but near the end of his life he went truly nuts and started producing stuff not too far removed from the purple energy shield.
From: tariq_kamal Date: March 11th, 2006 11:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

"The Purple Ray Gun'll make things all right again!'

Ha! I’m suprised that no one’s made a connection to Wonder Woman yet.

sff_corgi From: sff_corgi Date: March 17th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: "The Purple Ray Gun'll make things all right again!'

Excellent point! Alas, who reads the classics nowadays...?
kazriko From: kazriko Date: March 12th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Magnetic Bracelets, the next generation.
From: sstang66 Date: March 14th, 2006 07:48 am (UTC) (Link)
I know where I saw these only they are blue anodized..not to be confused with the oh so scientific Purple anodized. Deseret Book (LDS book store) sells them for around 5 bucks complete with a little glass vial.
From: zandperl Date: March 15th, 2006 05:21 am (UTC) (Link)
And it's being advertised on PVP today. Google ads where you found it?
mrmeval From: mrmeval Date: June 17th, 2007 12:19 pm (UTC) (Link)

The real Tesla purple energy sheild and anti-carjacking device.

27 comments or Leave a comment