The Tesla Purple Energy Shield does amazing things, according to this web page. It will amplify your aura, repair your DNA, and stimulate tachyon energy. No, really. It says so, right on their web page.
They have kirlian photos to prove these claims. And at only $90 I don't know that I can afford to NOT have one. It's half off!
(I'm waaay too tired to do a full comedic deconstruction. I'll let you folks hack away, though.)